I’ll Never Be A Storm Chaser

I have a confession. I’m scared of storms. Scared really isn’t the right term. Terrified might be the right word. I don’t remember a time in my life when the sound of thunder and sight of lightning did not accelerate my heart rate and send me running for the closest basement. I’ve tried to figure out how I arrived at this particular point of crazy but I can’t find any answers. My parents claim I was just born this way. (But these are also the same people who didn’t bother to give me a middle name so they may have very well left me outside alone during a storm but never wanted to admit it… just kidding mom.)

I always assumed that as I grew older my fear would subside and I could look back on my youth and laugh at how silly I had been to love the Weather Channel so much. Unfortunately, I’m still scared and I have accepted that isn’t going to change. So I arm myself with knowledge and the latest technology.

If there is even a hint of a storm watch or heaven forbid, a TORNADO watch, I’m all over the situation. I will know not only what is supposed to happen but when it is supposed to happen. I study TORCON values (look it up under Dr. Greg Forbes, you can thank me later) and I am never excited about a 70 degree day in January.

When I moved to this section of Kentucky I had heard about the tornado outbreak of 1974. I knew that it blew away Stephen’s grandparent’s home as they were going to their basement. Stephen’s dad showed me newspaper clippings for heavens sake!! (He had no idea at the time who he was dealing with). When we were looking for our own house I was pretty clear: if it doesn’t have a basement then we don’t need to see it. I always have a plan and my next door neighbors know (or are finding out while reading this) that I WILL call in the middle of the night if there is an actual tornado and tell them to get their butts over here because that “interior room” stuff just isn’t going to cut it.

Today I downloaded a weather radio app to my phone. My poor husband looked at me with a mix of humor and pity when I told him. His rule is “Don’t wake me up unless there is an actual tornado warning for our section of the county.” One night that happened so I tried to drag him out of bed. Apparently he has an addendum to that rule: “When I hear the patio furniture go across the back porch, I’ll join you in the basement.” I love this man and I will carry his children downstairs, but he is on his own.

Maybe this testimonial will help someone in need tonight. Maybe someone will read this and think, “You know, I’m not alone. There are other weather freaks out there!” Maybe this will lead to a huge surge in apps sold by NOAA weather radio.

I’m not apologizing for my brand of crazy. I’m just making it public. Now excuse me while I study the latest forecast.

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