This is not a post about weapons. The guns I’m referring to are my very skinny arms. I’ve blogged about my exercise routine before but in the last six weeks I let myself go. Seriously, it’s ridiculous. I just didn’t want to sweat or be tired or basically do anything I didn’t have to do. So I took a nice LONG break. And my “guns” became sticks again. And I got sick twice in less than three weeks. And I had to take all sorts of antibiotics and steroids in order to leave my bed. And I realized that it was time to face something I’ve struggled with for awhile…depression.
I’m not ashamed at all that I was having a hard time emotionally. Life can seriously suck at times. But my life wasn’t any harder than anyone else’s and I kept thinking, “It’s the holidays. I always miss my dad more this time of year.” Or, “It’s the weather and being stuck inside so much. I’ll snap out of this mood.” I was in a hole and couldn’t climb out. Actually, I just didn’t want to climb out anymore. I wanted to snap my fingers and make things “perfect” or at least “easier.” I wanted to stop dreading little things and have fun. I wanted to stop feeling guilty about everything I did or didn’t do.
I am lucky because I live with my doctor and he knew I needed some help. But so many people have to take that first step and actually go see their doctor. Sometimes you just need someone to talk to and sometimes you need medicine or therapy. All of these options should be explored without guilt or shame. I am on my way to feeling better and trying to be more positive and thankful. Soon I hope to be in better physical shape too but emotional health is just as important.
So I’ll keep my weapons concealed during these cold winter months. But watch out world. When it’s hot again, I’m coming out on the other side of this guns blazin’.